tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9218275625589637009.post8518563044750531077..comments2024-03-14T02:18:13.285-05:00Comments on T h e | D e e p | M i d d l e: Veil -- Poem by Todd DavisBenjamin Vogthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10661489036836711335noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9218275625589637009.post-8327391542514874662010-11-20T14:00:26.574-06:002010-11-20T14:00:26.574-06:00Yoda wisdom. Mmmm...mmmm....
I would cut "li...Yoda wisdom. Mmmm...mmmm....<br /><br />I would cut "like grief" also rework first two lines. "fog settles with the dark of evening" sounds clichéd.<br /><br />People often ask me if I write poetry and are surprised when I tell them I don't. I don't dare; I'm much to critical. I'd start writing and get discouraged or I'd pick the thing to death for months.Susan in the Pink Hathttp://inkandpenstemon.tumblr.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9218275625589637009.post-43254864502761582042010-11-20T10:29:31.140-06:002010-11-20T10:29:31.140-06:00Susan--I might agree with you. I've been going...Susan--I might agree with you. I've been going back and forth, perhaps cut "like grief?" And as far as kudos, kudos mean nothing. Attempts are little, silly things. The rest are complacent cowards? We all are. Do or do not, there is no try.Benjamin Vogthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10661489036836711335noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9218275625589637009.post-26080469567415230692010-11-19T21:00:26.124-06:002010-11-19T21:00:26.124-06:00Yeah, I don't know. It's not doing it for ...Yeah, I don't know. It's not doing it for me for some reason. It is understated; perhaps too much for me at some points. For instance—<br />"The water on our window- <br />screens disappears slowly, gradually, <br />like grief."<br />He's just giving it away there. It would have been stronger if he had made you work for the connection.<br /><br />But what do I know. Kudos toSusan in the Pink Hathttp://inkandpenstemon.tumblr.comnoreply@blogger.com