Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Bush or Shrub?

I don't know if it's the snob in me, the snarky / immature teenager in me, or a combination of both, but I get real persnickety when I hear someone refer to a woody perennial (and not a tree) as a bush.

President Bush, and which one? You got one, you got the other.

Bush beer? I don't care for beer that much. Go away.

Bush Gardens? Makes me vomit.

Female anatomy? (tasteless, oh so tasteless for you to include that one)

Don't beat around the bush, Mr. Deep Middle, tell us how you really feel.

Talking about bushes makes me feel bushed. And I mean bushels of bushed. It's like when you make borscht for 20 people, that leaves you bushed. Not shrubbed. There's a reason you don't drink Shrub beer--though someone ought to invent beer made from shrubs. This whole conversation makes me so incredibly shrubbed.

Look folks, it's a shrub. Not a bush. If it's in your garden or cultivated landscape, and it isn't a tree or a coneflower or some such herbaceous perennial, 'tis a shrub. SHRUB. SHRRRUUBB. And while you're practicing this new word, I say let's go ahead and start using some latin names--if anything, just to annoy our spouses and appear to know what we are doing outside, as if it were work and science and method vs. joy and luck and diversion.


mr_subjunctive said...

I've pondered and re-read and pondered some more, and have concluded that I don't understand this post. I mean, I understand that you don't like the word bush, I just don't know why. Seems like a perfectly cromulent word to me.

wiseacre said...

What's wrong?
Has somebody been Bushwacking your shrubs?

Kyna said...

Only snobs use the word 'persnickety', Mr. Middle. ;)

But I forgive you since you were tasteless enough to talk include female anatomy in your post about shrubbery. You get the Kyna Stamp of Approval for that one.

People using the word 'bush' for 'shrub' probably irritates you as much as people saying 'nuc[u]lar' or 'e[x]presso' annoy me.

Be happy you don't live in Redneckville, NC like I do. You get to hear lovely things like 'I might could do that' every day!!

Livia said...

After thinking about it a little I realized that I only call shrubs that I don't like "bushes". For instance, I hate those stupid, roundy-moundy, pink spiraea. They are definitely bushes.

Kyna said...

Wow....'talk include' is sort of like 'might could'.

I really need to pay more attention to the edit button.

Diana Studer said...

Gnu gnu gnu I'm a gnu!
Have you heard that Flanders and Swan song?

Benjamin Vogt said...

Mr. S--it IS perfectly cromulant. I apologize.
WA--No, but I've been bushwhacked myself.
Kyna--hmm, nucular maybe. But the word I REALLY hate is "meal."
Livia--Yes! That's it!!
EE--Boy howdy, I've got no idea what you're talking about....