Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Bamboo Torture

You can torture someone by growing bamboo into them (something that apparently happened in WWII). I love me my Mythbusters on the Discovery channel. They proved that within only 3 days, pointy, piercing shoots can grow many inches into a human torso. After a few weeks, a 12 foot stalk will be high above you.

I've always wanted to find a way to meld my horticultural interests with my slightly therapeutic / illegal fantasies.

20 comments:

David Perry said...

Benjamin, you get my vote for weirdest post of the day. Nice work. I like weird.

Frances said...

Hi Benjamin, you may not want this fantasy to get out. A gardener's perfect torture though, satisfying on many levels, of weirdness. I second David's vote.

Frances

I really like your about me photo on the sidebar, lots of attitude in your stance.
F

Benjamin Vogt said...

Mr. P--I really tried on this one. :)
Frances--Apparently this technique was used by the Japanese in WWII. And as for my photo, it was time to mix it up and also show my face a little.

Layanee said...

How did I miss that Mythbusters episode? The poor dummy! That could be interesting garden art couldn't it? I mean with a test dummy of course. Glad to hear you are getting relief from the pressures of life.

our friend Ben said...

Yuck, Benjamin! Bamboo is great, but now really! Couldn't you torture gardeners to greater effect by withholding water to their gardens and forcing them to watch as their poor plants died inch by inch?! I agree with Frances about your photo, thugh: good choice!

Ilona said...

Hmmm- wasn't this supposed to post on Oct 31?

Benjamin Vogt said...

Layanee--Yes! Garden art! Wonderful idea for my own Buster. Now I must spend the winter making a mold out of ballistics gel.
OFB--Oh, I don't want to torture gardeners, they are generally congenial folks. I have thers in mind....

Benjamin Vogt said...

Ilona--I'm still mentall in October, so it works. Now what year, I don't know....

Aunt Debbi/kurts mom said...

Yikes, that is truely scary.

Blackswamp_Girl said...

Hmm... I wonder if that only works with bamboo? I mean, I already HAVE bamboo, and it overwinters in a pot indoors, but... maybe there's an easier plant to grow year-round here in our cold climates that works, too.

So, did MB mention alternate horticultural weapons in their story? (All of a sudden, I'm wondering if my Mother-in-law's tongue is really as innocent as it looks...)

;)

Pam said...

Now, I've never thought of bamboo for this personally (generally I don't believe in physical torture - mental, perhaps...) - but I have a nice grove of bamboo in the back left corner of my place, and when I watch the new ones come up in the spring - well, now I'll always think of this post. Thank you!

As for plant torture in general, maybe you're on to something. Perhaps we could start a list of the perfect torture methods... by plant. After being in Australia last summer, I'd say plant folks there could come up with some delightful options.

Bioterriorism! Oops, now you'll be screened, and your online actions watched...

Craig at Ellis Hollow said...

A slower and more horrifying way to torture the gardener next door would be to plant a running bamboo along the property-line fence.

perennialgardener said...

My son loves that show too Benjamin. But really this really was a thought provoking if not a bit creepy post. ;)

Benjamin Vogt said...

Kim--I've heard there are zone 5 (and I think even 4) bamboo out there, I'm pretty sure I heard this. That's all the detailed, helpful info you get today--I have to go spend my Sunday in my office on campus.
Pam--I'm already on the CIA's watch list. C'est la vie. I can think of plants taht are torture just because I hate how the look so much--like orange mums. Run away! Run away!
Craig--Stop giving me ideas. Actually, I'd be happy IF I had a gardener / garden next door--who knows what that lawn fertilizer runoff is doing to my plants.
PG--I think I have an idea for a halloween display to scare the kids next year. I like Mythbusters (such a guy show it seems) but can be just as happy watching anything on PBS, and HGTV, and E!, and sometimes that show where they help people dress nicely instead of like slobs.

lisa said...

What diabolical fun! I have a bamboo that overwinters for me here in zone 4, albeit along the southern foundation of the house. It's been there for at least 7 years.

Benjamin Vogt said...

Lisa--I bet you have one of those rare, colerd bamboos! I can push a few things on my south side too in winter--thank goodness the garden faces south!

Kylee said...

You just crack me up, Ben.

Kylee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dee/reddirtramblings said...

My 14-year-old son blessed me with that Mythbusters information just a couple of days ago. Perhaps, he was watching the episode the same time you were. Ick. He also asked me to read The Book Thief, which was about the same time period in Germany. Good, but bleak.~~Dee

Benjamin Vogt said...

Kylee--That's what I once said to my dad when I pointed out a stop sign that had cracks all over it. I mean, I told him: "Someone must've said something funny." Why?" he asked. "Because that sign's all cracked up."
Dee--Not familiar with the Book Thief, but does that have anything to do with twining entrails around trees?