Spring Does NOT Mean Gardening

It means Minnesota Twins baseball. Screw gardening, warm weather, nature, end of school year. Bah--all over hyped. This is the last year of the dome in Minneapolis, and I for one will miss the 100% chance of no inclimate weather or blood-sucking insects the size of blue jays. This year no loss in a 1 game playoff to see who makes the postseason, just a nice 7 game lead to win the division (and the joy of knowing the Yankees failed once again after spending the equivalant of Brazil's GNP).

Who's a Twinkie?

The Minnesota Twins begin their heroic campaign for 3rd or 4th place in their division tonight, 6pm, ESPN2 (if yer in the upper midwest). Yes, it's a tough division. Half the starters are new. We traded Johan Santana to the Mets for a bunch of silly players. Johan will be winning the NL Cy Young this year because 1/9 of the batters he faces will be pitchers. I say he gets 300 Ks.

And I champion having baseball in a dome. With 6-8" of snow forecast today, why wouldn't you want to be at 65 degrees in the Metrodome? And in July, what, 90 degrees and blood-sucking bugs the size of birds coming at you? No thanks.

Anywho, what better way to start out spring than cheering for overgrown teenagers getting paid as much money as some smalls country's GDP? Is there any? At least you might as well watch a small market team, where there is still some shadow of real American baseball.

The good thing about opening day is even though you know it won't happen, you still believe in your team, you still think maybe, just maybe, somehow, they will win it all and ease the numbing pain of your life for a few hours. Cubs fans, know what I mean? Pirates?

You could watch the NHL Minnesota Wild make the playoffs as a 3rd seed this week, but hockey has too much action, like basketball. Give me something hypnotic like baseball or football where people stand around for large chunks of time just thinking about what to do next, then anticipating it while thinking some more. (does that make them stupid?)