Saturday, March 8, 2008

Garden Jokes

I've been all over the web and only found a few garden jokes that I enjoy. Do you have any good ones??? (Dirty or rated G, I care not, though I've no "bad" ones yet.)


What does everyone have two of on their face? Tulips.

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims (or busted up boxes and missing lamps).

What do you call it when worms take over the world? Global Worming.

The research assistant couldn't experiment with plants because he hadn't botany.

What does the letter "A" have in common with a flower? They both have bees coming after them.

What do you get when you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by the diameter? Pumpkin Pi.

What do you call a country where people drive only pink cars? A pink carnation.

New gardeners learn by trowel and error. (hardy har har)

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.


What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with a recipe. (not a gardening joke, but I like it.)


16 comments:

Ki said...

I love corny jokes. Used to hear a lot of them in Iowa and Kansas. Well, that's a deep subject etc.

Benjamin Vogt said...

Wait, Ki, are you saying sophisticated jokes are only for people on the coasts? Well, this means war.... :)

Or are you making a pun? "Corny" jokes in Kansas and Iowa???

Annie in Austin said...

"Why do melons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe."

That nugget came from this garden humor site, which you probably already visited, Benjamin.

The gardening rule is too true.

Annie at the Tranplantable Rose

Anonymous said...

Ben,

I have to point out that the New Orleans Zoo actually has a "Gumbo Trail" highlighting the uses of various animals on display. When R. and I visited, "Jambalaya" was playing tinnily in the background. It made one of us sad and one of us hungry, but I'll let you guess which was which.

Carrie

Benjamin Vogt said...

Annie--I like that one!

Benjamin Vogt said...

Carrie--Well that's freaking disturbing. If I'm ever in NO again, I'll be sure to miss this, uh, check it out.

Ellis Hollow said...

Back in my teens, I remember an old dairy farmer turned handyman tell me a garden joke but I can't remember the set up. I just remember the punch line: Lettuce, turnip and pea.

Benjamin Vogt said...

That reminds me of a joke with the punch line "lettuce c-u-p." I do believe we are lame in the joke department....

Ki said...

Benjamine
Yep!

I knew Annie wouldn't disappoint!

Ellis hollow, let us turn up and pee. Now what could that refer to?

Annie in Austin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
WiseAcre said...

I had to go steal some material to comment.
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Q: Why don't you ever iron a four-leaf clover?
A: You might press your luck.
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Q:What do you call a stolen spud?
A:A hot potato.

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Once there was a beautiful woman who loved to work in her vegetable garden, but no matter what she did, she couldn't get her tomatoes to ripen. Admiring her neighbor's garden, which had beautiful, bright-red tomatoes, she went one day and inquired of him his secret.

"It's really quite simple," the old man explained. "Twice each day, in the morning and in the evening, I expose myself in front of the tomatoes and they turn red with embarrassment."

Desperate for the perfect garden, she tried his advice and proceeded to expose herself to her plants, twice daily. Two weeks passed and her neighbor stopped by to check her progress. "So," he asked. "Any luck with the tomatoes?"

"No," she replied excitedly. "But you should see the size of my cucumbers!"

------------------------------
A prisioner in jail received a letter from his wife:

"I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"

The prisioner, knowing that the prison guards read all the mail, replied in a letter:

"Dear Wife, whatever you do, DO NOT touch the back garden! That is where I hid all the gold."

A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife:

"You wouldn't believe what happened. Some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up the whole back garden."

The prisoner wrote another letter:

"Dear wife, NOW is the best time to plant the lettuce!"
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"I think," said the sweet potato, "therefore, I yam"
-------------------------------
Q: What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?
A: Kids don't eat broccoli.
-------------------------------

Annie in Austin said...

Those are pretty funny, WiseAcre, as befits your name.
I tried to make a pun for this post and it was so lame I deleted it. Borrowing from real jokesters would have been better.

Annie at the Transplantable Rose

Benjamin Vogt said...

Oooooo W.A. I like these!!! More than I found. Might have to have a second post on garden jokes--oh, EVERYONE would love that I'm sure.... I think I've actually heard the cucumber one before. Thank you for bringing me more!

And Annie, give me puns. I make puns by the minute, which is also why I'm so alone in the world. So very alone. Alone. :)

WiseAcre said...

I just ran across this answer to a child's science exam question and had to add it even if it wasn't a garden joke.
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Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.

A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Benjamin Vogt said...

WA--So very true. I love flirtation. Keep 'em coming! (1 peso per joke.)

arya said...

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