I know I'm not an authority, but I'm not in a good mood having spent 3 hours at the mall this afternoon looking for sandals while listening to 17 renditions of Jingle Bells. "Gee guy, it's not the best time of year to be looking for sandals." Thank you cap'n obvious.
I'd have pics of my landscaping critiques but it's winter, and I don't want people seeing me taking pics and being openly snooty. Not yet anyway.
1) Rocks as mulch. COME ON. When you enter our development several houses--as if a trend caught fire--have white rocks all around their foundation plantings. That's not all. The poor 10' street trees have a 2' diameter circle of death spread right up to their trunks.
2) I hate barberry. Anyone who uses it automatically gets me muttering under my breath. Especially when it is used as the ONLY foundation plant in a STRAIGHT line across the house. Ten hut!
3) Sod as landscaping. For santa's sake, at least go buy one crappy 4' sapling at Home depot and spend 30 minutes plunking it into the yard.
4) People who buy 4' saplings at Home Depot and plunk them in the yard all by their lonesome, then use white rock mulch.
5) Flagpoles. My lord. Gives a home that nice industrial campus feel. Or, that nice moon landing feel.
6) Orange mums en masse. Orange mums not en masse. Anything orange, including the mustang in the garage. If I want to see orange I'll vomit or dissect my gall bladder.
7) Rusting trucks out front on the street. I'm all for garden sculpture, but....
8) Speaking of which: gazing balls, statues of "fair" maidens holding water jugs with REAL flowers in them, plastic mailboxes, those mini metal flag holders where the flag is the size of a dish towel but has printed flowers on it (OR you COULD actually PLANT some flowers--you ain't foolin' no one no how).
9) River birch planted 3' from the corner of the house. You might as well have invited it inside for dinner.
10) Tis the holiday season, so those damned inflatable snow globe things the size of a mini cooper. There's one down the street that has a sign inside which reads "North Pole." I thought about making my own sign to plant in their yard at 3am that reads "Where Polar Bears Go To Die." Perhaps that's not the best sign, but instead of producing more oil-based crap and polluting the environment in the process, we could do something more constructive. Maybe.
I reserve the right to expand this list if I don't get enough sleep tonight. Cheers.