Thursday, March 15, 2012

Why I Hate Spring

Not just why I hate this spring, mind you, but every spring. Of course, this year it's just plain worse. Worse I says.

1) There was no winter. There was no break. There was no respite. It was dry and warm. Which means fewer seeds will germinate. It's 80 here. I got mild heat stroke.

2) I'm not rested. There is hardly a blip in my mind and heart from October to March. I swear it was a week ago I was marveling at the bright red of ninebark and the copper of bald cypress. I need my seasons, and....

3) I'm sick sick sick of hearing people on social media praising spring, so excited to garden again, as if the winter was long and boring and the most terrible period of their lives ever. Get real. It was waaaaay too easy. We haven't earned spring. I feel like a massive slacker. I need to go beat my back with a whip. I'm still impure.

4) I'm not anxious for spring one bit. Spring means clean up. And since it's so hot I started nearly a month before last year, and finished on 3/10. The pressure of spring is pissing me off. Get off my back, spring. I'm warning you. Step off, punk.

5) I always boast that my 1,500 feet would require only one mad day of cleanup. Which is true. If you aren't a garden hawk. I see seedlings to move, plants to divide, mulch to place, beds to expand, branches to trim.... It's like having a frenetic disco ball inside my head. And now this year I've started seed inside and plan a veggie bed. What the sandhill crane was I thinking?

6) People leave their barky dogs outside longer, and more often. This means less sleep for me.

7) Basketballs thud well past dark. Leftover fireworks punctuate twilight. The gun range is getting busier.

8) Lawnmowers. This is inevitable, like death or bad bowel movements. Or blog posts like this one with references to bad bowel movements. Usually, the first mowers go off about April 1 even though the lawns aren't even green. Then come leaf blowers and edgers for 6 months. Then comes the cRaZy blogger.

9) Winter is for reading and writing. I did much reading. I did not do much writing. This infuriates me. I'm way off schedule. But I wasn't ready. Now I am. And now it's spring. How can I stay inside when the birds are chirping and butterflies are coming out and there are so many crocus and iris to macro? (yes, it's now a verb) It's hard to get in a groove, especially hard to discipline one's self anyway. Stupid spring.

10) Spring means summer is next. Summer is hot. Summer means many trips. Summer means insects and flowers to photograph and fawn over like Homer Simpson does donuts. Summer means even less time to write. I will never name my kid summer. Autumn would be better. Spring would imply they walk funny. Winter would be weird. Might as well name your kid wintergreen and hang a pine tree around their neck. Which I would do.

* And to add insult to injury, the willows and crabapples are turning green, chokeberry and serviceberry are breaking bud, the elm is blooming, and I think I saw a cicada the size of a football eating a junco (it was far away, so maybe not the case). Fall right on into summer this year. :(

21 comments:

Scott said...

awesome post, Benjamin. I just minutes ago posted about my favorite season, Spring ! But I live in Minnesota, which may become the new Missouri, with the climate's current upheavals. I saw my first 2 Mourning Cloak butterflies today...the earliest ever. And Prairie Smoke is green beneath the leaf litter of yesteryear, and will soon be abloom. And Pussy Willow is full and gray. But the temperature is heavenly...upper 60's to mid 70's...long live Spring !

*serendipity* said...

Having moved from Nebraska to Florida and back again...I feel like spring is my blood pumping again, I'm walking from the darkness of absolutely no season change whatsoever into the blissful warm sun of springtime. And thank god. I am overjoyed that spring's come early, it's a lovely welcome home present.

Though I understand where you're coming from, of course. :p Take a breather and take it in, don't think about the ever growing list in your head, just have a fresh glass of iced tea and breathe in the beauty of it all.

Now who's philosophical? :)

Donna@Gardens Eye View said...

This year we had a mild winter but we did have winter...I decided I couldn't live in a climate where there was no winter because I like the seasons. But I do hate the fact that spring is almost summer here and too fast and bugs and heat and humidity will be here too soon.

greggo said...

So true. This year, that is.

sparrow said...

As I turned on my phone this morning, this was the first thing I read from my in-box. Hilarious! The same disco ball turns and glitters in my head. I'm looking for pasqueflower flowers but also focusing on the knapweed that is just too darn happy and green too early! My skis gathered dust.

mr_subjunctive said...

You left out mosquitoes and house flies.

Benjamin Vogt said...

Scott--Haven't heard from you in a while! My parents, in MN, are enjoying the early spring. I saw several eastern commas the other day--very strange.
Ser--I need an iced tea laced with something calming. But 80 is NOT blissful. I feel psychologically messed up right now--am I the only one? Like my blood feels wrong, my sinews feel wrong, my synapses are jumbled. It's icky.
Donna--Season rock old school. I may have to move to Canada in prep for global warming, so I can have a real Nebraska year.
Greg--Anxiety. That's all I feel. Spring jumped my back and is screaming in my ear.
Spar--I have a few pasque flowers poking up. But they aren't adding any peace to my state of mental health (get my Men At Work reference?).
Mr. S--Oh, TONS of house flies, big fat juicy suckers all over. I saw a few carrying away a blue jay.

ProfessorRoush said...

What you need, Benjamin, is simply a little adjustment in perspective. See, this is still Winter. Winter is now a moderately warm, sunny season. Spring signals the time to turn on the air conditioning and keep the sprinklers running while we enjoy roses and fresh tomatoes, and Summer, glorius Summer, is soon to be when we start using dune buggys in the MidWest to hunt for the respite of the nearest oasis.

UrsulaV said...

Being in North Carolina, I don't actually get that much of a winter at the best of times--last year I was digging a pond in January--but this year is indeed pretty wacky. I am delirious with springiness, but even through the crazed "PLANT ALL THE THINGS!" haze, I am getting a twinge or two, since the spring ephemerals are just now coming out, and all my plants that didn't bother to go dormant are running right over top of them. I had to prune a hole in the climbing aster to let the bloodroot through. It's freaky stuff.

Benjamin Vogt said...

Dr.R--You got it man! Made me laugh. NE does have sand dune, but I've never seen them.

Corner Gardener Sue said...

Since I am not a fan of winter, warm or cold, I will maintain my giddiness about spring, and the fact I have been off work this week, enjoying as much time outside as I can.

Loret said...

Spring? we don't need...strike that...get no stinkin Spring (FL)

Well done!

Lindsay Rebhan said...

I hear ya! Well put. I am frustrated, overwhelmed and wished I got more done and felt more relaxed. That being said spring and fall are still my favorite seasons. In true spring form, we must put one foot in front of the other and join the chaos!!! Oh and you crack me.

Benjamin Vogt said...

Sue--Yes, being off work makes all the difference. I just joined you--UNL's break is a week later.
Loret--Every day is spring in Florida, especially for the geriatrics.
Lindsay--Exactly, overwhelmed, but you have more to deal with than me! Hahahaha. Sigh. Sincerely, Mr. Crack.

Blackswamp_Girl said...

I have some spring panic here, too. What's usually a leisurely pace of cleaning up the garden (since I don't in the fall) and "winter sowing" my seeds is becoming a pressure cooker. How can I not try to race through the front yard garden when I know that the freaking MISCANTHUS are already greening up in the middle of those clumps? Should I just give up on getting to the cool season grasses at all, or should I run to the back and dig out the blue fescues from their piles of leaves so I can give them a quick haircut?

And the seeds... dammit, the seeds. They're supposed to turn into my wedding flowers come August, so I HAVE to get those going. After all, my family thinks of me as "the gardener" so I have something to live up to... ARGH!

Blackswamp_Girl said...

Oh, I did have one positive thought to share, however: Instead of lashing yourself, why don't you go grab your show shovel... and turn over some dirt for your veggie garden? Seems like that might wear you out and remind you of what you missed this winter, all at once! ;-)

Benjamin Vogt said...

Kim--Oh you and your wedding. Just elope. Trust me. Forget the flowers and the ceremony and whatever else, use the money to go somewhere lavish. Come back and have a cookout. Just make sure the garden is cleaned up some. :)

Shyrlene said...

Benjamin - this may be my most favorite post of yours, ever! While I am in 'spring euphoria' like a bunch of other crazy nuts (a week of +75 degree days, in NE IL, in March is certifiable!), listening to yapping dogs and power tools sets your teeth on edge.

BTW - congratulations on your feature on Fine Gardening.com. You rocked the house!!

Amanda B. said...

I really enjoyed reading this. So much truth to it! I HATE winter and always long for it to be over, but this year I find myself feeling so confused that it is spring already. I guess I have learned that I need winter to appreciate spring fully. However, I am still enjoying the warmth and sunshine- it has been good for my soul. And I am just praying the bugs aren't too bad since it never really got cold enough to kill them....

Benjamin Vogt said...

Shyrlene--I had so many visits on the day my FG spread went live. That was awesome! Hope I met some new folks. I'm surprised folks like this spring post--seems the posts I spend less time on people enjoy more! :) Now I can slack off. Heh.
Amanda--Exactly. Confused. Need the seasons (without green eggs and toast). I think it will be a VERY buggy summer.

Li'l Ned said...

You are so right on about everything. I spent the first 20 years of my life hating winter, but then I started gardening and became a winter-worshipper. Spring always comes too early for me -- this year I have to say not much worse than usual. Our springs are notoriously long, cold and unpredictable. This year it seems Daylight Stupids Time has come ever more annoyingly early than usual. So on top of 'it's too soon for spring' I also have jet lag that will last two weeks. FYI it snowed here this morning, thus disturbing my plans for pre-equinoctial sunbathing.