Tuesday, October 16, 2007
University of Evansville / Harlaxton College
The last few days have been rough for me. I have several periods throughout the year of SEVERE nostalgia (I am a sentimental moron). My college days were wonderful, I mean wonderful, I mean... did you hear me? I miss it. I miss the hard work, the close quarters, the smells, so many friends, recognizing people on campus even if you didn't know them personally who then became quasi friends just because you saw them so often. I even miss the opportunities I didn't take advantage of, the people I should've hung out with more, the places I didn't visit.... I have a disease and its communicable. Don't keep reading.
I especially miss Harlaxton, UE's campus in Grantham, England (and former WWII air base). It's been 10 years this past spring (1997), and that was--as it is for many who go there--the highlight of a lifetime. Mind blowing. Incredible. And that is no stretch, it is no cliche to say that. I'd give anything to be that kid again in England, even with all the naive, sheltered junk that came with him.
Right after Harlaxton, and after UE, I was the most depressed I'd ever been in my life. Coming back from Harlaxton, especially--a 4 month spring term--was like leaving my family for college: I cried and cried on the bus leaving the campus and moped for half the summer, but the following school year was incredible and the best of all four (I won 3rd place in the Big Man On Campus contest, but that's not the only reason why it was a good year). Leaving college was numbing; I'll never forget the walk from the dorm to my car, heading north on the interstate, knowing that'd be it. Forever. I thought grad school would make up for college in some way, but it didn't. Grad school pales in comparison. PALES. Maybe it should.
I wish I could get all my UE and Harlaxton friends together just one time--just one evening. I really miss them. It's incredible how so many ingrediants in a person's life come together just so (people, place, mentality, time), and something essential and fantastic and needed happens to us. Maybe I'm also missing who I became because of college, the process. I know I'm envious of my youngest sister soon to head off to school, and even my students. We live in shadows, necessary shadows, and this is one of mine. I don't know whether to shake it or embrace it. That's the nature of shadows, I suppose.
A blog or a web page is like a time capsule. It may be that months or years down the road one of my old friends--sadly misplaced in my life since graduation in 1999--may come across this. Maybe even a teacher, many of whom I enjoyed more than I let show (that's true for lots of people in my life). So, if you're someone I knew, even one of those strangers walking across campus as you went to chem and I went to english, get a hold of me, even just to say hello and leave it at that.