Sunday, December 7, 2008

Other People's Rejection Letters

An interesting project from the author of Other People's Love Letters.

"Other People's Rejection Letters will feature reproductions of all kinds of rejection letters. Whether typed form letters or handwritten in a fit of rage, whether sent by text message, email, or scrawled in crayon, any kind of rejection is fair game: You didn't get the job or the loan or the membership; you're not the right fit for our dentistry school; you're my son but I never want to see you again; your restaurant failed its health inspection; your parole has been denied; we had a good time together but you cheated on me so this is goodbye."

And in good cheer I give you what woke me up in the middle of the night and made me scramble for a pencil. Seriously. Ready?

R emember to schedule that duck transplant for your back
E veryone hates you
J ust kidding
E veryone hates you but your cat
C ould be worse
T achinid flies could lay eggs in you like in monarchs
I ncomplete satisfaction over and over but you fake happiness so no one worries
O (see I)
N aughty thoughts get you through the day (it worked in high school)


Anonymous said...

R emember
E xtemporaneous
J ottings
E xpressing
C onserative
T houghts
I nvolves
O bvious
N onsequiturs

Susan Tomlinson said...

R eally?
E ven when you're wearing that silly hat?
J ust ignore him.
E at pie instead.
C offee cake.
T ake a hike!
I n a howling snowstorm.
O! how you torment me!
N ow come back here. I didn't mean any of it.

Garden Wise Guy said...

Benjamin: Hope you don't mind me extending the reach of your delightful post. I created a link from my recent post to this one.

BTW: I took the bait and will be conjuring something up for your REJECTION prompt.

Garden Wise Guy said...

R esolve to write SOMETHING every day.
E dit later, Shitty First Drafts are the road to good writing (thanks to Anne Lamott)
J ot outlines keep me on track (thanks to Jack Hart - writing coach)
E mbellish my adjectives when the time is right; now it's got some energy
C orrect all the spelling and punk-choo-a-shun
T oo many word! Damn, where to cut? It's all brilliant!\
I nching toward something coherent. There's a Pulitzer waiting.
O h my, this might be the best thing I've ever written.
"N ice try, but we just ran a story like that last issue."

R epeat...

tina said...

Gee, I wish I was a witty as Susan and Wiseacre but instead I'll just say-go to bed thinking happy thoughts:)

Les said...

R eally, I can quit whenever I want.
E veryone has forgotten about that by now.
J ust get over yourself.
E nd it on a good note.
C atch your employees doing something right.
T oday's not good for me.
I t's not you - it's me.
O lder, is not necessarily wiser.
N ever trust a smiling dog.

Benjamin Vogt said...

Ha, you guys are all charming to the last. Now go find some really bad rejections from your personal lives and send them to the anthology. One time I called a girl I really liked, and being a stupid guy, imagined her kindness towards me in school was something much larger. So one I cal her, feigning to know what number charcoal pencil would be write for a drawing I was working on (we were in art class together), and somehow bumbled into, and psilling out, "would you like to go out sometime." "Uh, um, no, I sorta already have a boyfriend."

Unknown said...

Darn it... I don't have any good rejection letters to share, and I'm all poem-ed out right now.

(Not having any rejection letters is NOT because I have never been rejected. It's because a near-campus bar used to have regular "Rejection Letter Night" gatherings where you got a free beer for every rejection letter you brought in. lol.)